New day, new program.....

Well, today is the day. I started my morning at the nutritionist getting my shakes and bars. I went home and had a strawberry shake. It was tasty. I have a chocolate and a vanilla shake in the fridge here at work, along with a chocolate peanut butter protein bar. I get to have the bar and a shake for lunch, and a shake for an afternoon snack. Then it is home for a frozen meal and a shake for evening snack. We asked today if I could have a piece of chicken and veggies for dinner instead of a frozen meal, and she said YES! So now I can have 3 oz of lean protein (including fish...yummy!) and up to 2 cups of veggies. I am super excited. I love veggies, and I love chicken and fish. I think this is going to work out well for me.
I went and got my hair done last night, I figured since I was starting new on this program I would have a new haircut and color to go along with it. I went from light brown to almost black. It is a dramatic difference, and I love it!
Well, I will let you know how my weekend at the beach works out with all that delicious food down there!!!

Tomorrow is the day!

Tomorrow morning at 7:30 I will be receiving my 28 shakes and 7 protein bars! I am super excited to be starting this process. It stinks though that we are going to the beach for a long weekend away. I will miss eating Grotto's Pizza and Dippin Dots! Although, I think that is what got me into this mess to begin with!! Too much junk!
We will be celebrating DH's birthday this Saturday, and I hope he has a wonderful time. He certainly deserves it! I hope we can just spend the day lounging by the pool (no rain please!) and just enjoying everyone's company! We might be renting a boat on Friday to go fishing, but we are not 100% on that yet. We will definitely be going to play putt-putt. I'm not sure what else we are going to be doing yet, but I'm sure it will be fun no matter what we choose to do!
I will let you know how my first full day of shakes goes tomorrow!

Samples

Just wanted to let everyone know, the strawberry optifast shake tastes just like strawberry milk! It is quite tasty! The chocolate protein bar tastes like a protein bar. Not fantastic, but doable. I haven't tried the chocolate shake yet, but I have high hopes for it. I will try it for breakfast tomorrow morning. I drank the strawberry for breakfast this morning and I was not even hungry! I had a small snack at 10:30, and a small cup of soup at 12:30 and I am feeling good! I still have a sandwich, apples and a yogurt in the fridge!
I am looking forward to the weekend, and the beginning of the program next week.

First Appointment & Fitness Evaluation

So I went to my first appointment today for the OptiFast Program, and it went well. I don't know why I assumed that I would be starting the shakes today because they have to order them. So I will officially start it next Wednesday when I go for my second appointment. I will be drinking 4 protein shakes a day, along with 1 protein bar and 1 frozen meal for dinner. The meal can be any frozen light meal from the grocery store. I am actually looking forward to not worrying about food for 3 months!
My fitness evaluation went well. My aerobic ability is not so good, but the lady doing the evaluation said that most people on the weight management program can't even finish the 8 minutes on the treadmill, and I did it with an incline of 5. On the brighter side of things, the evaluator said I was very strong. I was able to use the arm machine (the one where you pull the weight towards you) up to 100 lbs, and the arm machine that you push away up to 67.5 lbs. They put me on a resistance training program with a green resistance band 2-3 times a week at home. They also recommended I join their gym, but it is a little pricey so I have to think about it. We are already paying so much for the program and the shakes. Hopefully it works!!
We are getting ready to go to the beach next weekend for a long weekend, and I am so looking forward to it! We are going to leave on Thursday night and come home on Monday night. It will be a nice relaxing weekend that's for sure!
Well, I have 2 shakes and 1 protein bar to try this week. I will update once I have tried them to let you know how they are.

Program

So, I just paid the big bucks and signed up for the 12 week weight loss program!! Yay me!! I am so glad I have such a wonderful DH who just wants me to be happy and healthy. He is my ray of sunshine everyday, and I love him so much.
My thumb hurts! I sliced the side of it with a mandoline on Sunday, and it is still sore! I'm glad it is Friday, but I do have to work tomorrow morning until 1 pm. After that I am free!!! Well, the fax is coming through for my new program. My appointment is on Wednesday!! I am super excited!!!

New Timeline

OK, so the doctor's office says I can start the opti fast program. I am going to do it for 12 weeks. It is going to cost quite a lot of money. Just to start it is $690. That covers the 12 appointments with the nutritionist and the fitness evaluation. Then it is around $100 a week for the shakes and stuff to go along with it. I am hoping that it works really well. As of right now I am 6 months out from getting any surgery. So I will try this program for 12 weeks, then 3 more months of 1 nutritionist appointment a month and some life skills classes that DH and I have to attend, then we can schedule my surgery. I also have to see the cardiologist, the endocrinologist, and a pulmonologist. So many "gists"!
Hopefully it will all be worth it in the end. If this program works as well as I hope we might be able to start making our little baby M in 3 months. If not and I get the lapband in about 6 months we are probably looking at 2 years. I just want DH and I to be healthy and happy when we bring a baby into the world.
I am going to pay the big bucks tomorrow and hopefully I go in for my first appointment for the program on Wednesday!! Yay!! I will definitely update and let you know how the appointment went.

Bad day

Well, the test was negative. Another negative. And no biopsy this month, apparently I waited too long. So today was less physically painful than I thought, but I am still heartbroken. Even though I knew it was going to be negative, I couldn't help but hope that it might be positive.
So the doctor said we have to wait until next cycle to start again. A whole month before we can even think about it again. I said we were going to take some time off and get healthy, so I called the surgeon's office to see about starting the liquid diet for the month. They haven't called me back yet. I have heard good things about this program. It is just high protein liquids. One soup, one protein bar and 3 protein shakes a day. I am actually looking forward to not cooking or having to go to the market for a month! I am also secretly hoping it works so well I can just do this for a while and not have to get surgery.
Before I start we will be taking my step mom out for her birthday this month to a wonderful restaurant. DH and I actually got married there in the ballroom. Luckily, my stepmom likes it too! They have the best prime rib sandwich (I order mine with no bread, haha!) and their salad dressing is out of this world delicious! Not to mention....the creme brulee is to die for. My mom would have loved their creme brulee. She even had a little torch and the little ramekins for homemade creme brulee! I think that's where I get my love of sweets from. So before I plunge myself whole heartedly into getting healthier I will eat prime rib, salad with yummy dressing and creme brulee for dessert. All in the name of Happy Birthday Stepmom!
Unfortunately DH's birthday will be spent food less for me, and maybe him if he wants to. He doesn't like to celebrate his birthday very much. Last year I threw him a big surprise 30th birthday party at his mom & dad's house. It was fun, but he doesn't like so much attention so this year, we will be spending it at the beach. We were going to go out to dinner, but we may both be all liquid then, so dinner might be out of the picture. So we'll spend it by the pool or hanging out on the beach with family. It will be super fun and relaxing (I hope!)
I really need to get my butt back to school. I just need to go sign up for classes again.
Well, I am off to wait for the nurses call about the program and try not to look at baby stuff for another month! I will update when I have some news!

P.S. No specialist appointments for a whole month!! YAY!!!

Endoscopy done

Well, I am officially home resting after the endoscopy this morning. The nurses were wonderful! I had to get an IV (which I dread!), and the nurse who put it in was fantastic! I barely felt it, and so far....no bruise!!! I don't remember anything, except waking up in recovery to a drink and some delicious crackers! Anything is delicious when you can't eat after 12! They did find a hernia in my stomach, so that explains my reflux. I am just so happy they found an explanation! Hopefully I can get it fixed when I get the lap band, and no more medicine!!
So tomorrow is the big day, the testing day. It's going to be negative, I already know. So now I get to have a biopsy of my lining done. 2 tests in 2 days. I feel like a pin cushion!
Now I am off to rest, feeling drowsy! I will update tomorrow after my (hopefully not painful) biopsy.

Test results Part 2

Ok, so just got off the phone with the RE's office and they said my progesterone level dropped. My doctor says he's not really worried about it. I go in on Tuesday for my pregnancy test. If it is negative I get to have a biopsy done...yay me! I think next week is going to be tough for me. Monday I have to get my endoscopy. Tuesday is the biopsy. Wednesday DH has a test scheduled (an EMG) where they stick needles in his legs and give him little shocks to see if his nerves are dieing. Then free and clear for Thursday and Friday, but I have to work Saturday so, it is a long week. Oh well, it's all worth it in the end I guess! Have a wonderful weekend!!! Tomorrow's suppose to be beautiful!!!! We will be enjoying it outside hopefully! I think we are going to take our nephew to the zoo if it's ok with his mommy. He's the cutest baby you ever saw in your whole life! I will update after the endoscopy on Monday.

First Comment

Hi! I just read the first ever comment posted on my blog, and boy was it a good one!!! Thanks for the support and the good vibes! I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up, but it's getting harder and harder the closer the 11th gets!
I just wanted to say thanks for the comment and I am glad people are reading my blog, although I'm sure it's not the most exciting blog out there. I go in tomorrow morning to get my progesterone checked again, so lets hope for good news!!

Progesterone

Oh what a wonderful world this is! I just got a call from my RE's office with my progesterone results from this morning, and they are EXCELLENT!! Good is anything above 15 and mine is 24.5! I asked her if that was a good sign and she said oh yes! I am still not holding out much hope for this month to actually have worked, but it is nice to know that everything (knock on wood) is working out the way it is supposed to! This way, when we go to try another month we can be pretty sure it will work out correctly. It might not result in a baby, but at least my body is back on track.
DH just brought me lunch as I am all by my lonesome at work today. It was so nice to see him in the middle of the afternoon! I love him so much! It's amazing how my heart just fills with love when I see him. It's a physical feeling of my heart swelling. I know, sappy love stuff!
I am looking forward to seeing my family on the Eastern Shore of Virginia in September. They are all such wonderful people, I hate being this far away from them! One day, we will be closer!
Have a wonderful day! I will update either tomorrow or Friday afternoon (another Progesterone blood draw on Friday).

August

I can't believe it's August already! It feels like this year is flying by! We had such a wonderful weekend at the beach. We spent all of Saturday at the pool, and it was really nice. The sunburn is not so nice, but the pool was! Now we just have 3 more weekends until our next long weekend at the beach!
I am looking forward to celebrating DH's birthday at the end of the month. I still have no ideas on what to get him for it, but I am going to take him out to a nice dinner with some family.
I have to go to the doctors tomorrow morning for a blood test to check my progesterone levels. The it's off to the lawyers on Wednesday for some good news (I hope!). We were hit by a drunk driver 3 years ago, and we still are dealing with insurance companies and lawyers. It is definitely dragging on and on!
I always go to a specific coffee place in the morning before work to get a bagel and a coffee. Usually I get a garlic bagel and an iced coffee or vanilla chai tea. Lately, I have been so disappointed with it so this morning I decided I won't be going there anymore. The coffee never tastes the same (even though I order the same thing), and sometimes the bagels are extra toasted, sometimes they have no cream cheese, and other times they are delicious. But either way, I pay the same amount. So it's no longer worth the money to go there. And...they discontinued the blueberry bagel (who does that?). So I will be eating breakfast at home....it will save us money and be healthier for us.
As far as the lap band, I faxed my nutritionist information to the doctors office to see if my insurance company will accept my last 7 months on her program for this. I am also going in for an endoscopy next Monday. It's nice because the girl who gave me my RE's information is going through the same things I am with the weight loss surgery. Most people don't understand how exciting and scary it is to go through this. She does, and she also understands the hurdles of ttc at the same time. It's doubly hard! It's good to have someone to talk to.
I will update after my blood work tomorrow!!!

It's the Weekend!!

Yay for Friday! I am so ready to have a nice relaxing weekend at the beach. Now if only we could transport ourselves there sans traffic!
We went to the doctor's this morning (surprise, surprise!) and it is all good news. We are scheduled for 3 blood tests in the next 2 weeks, so we will know if this month was our good month or if I am going to get my lap band done on August 11. I am going in for an endoscopy on August 10 to look for a hernia in my stomach (long story), so I am nervous about that! I am going to fax over all my paperwork from the RE's office to the surgeons office to see if my insurance will accept my last 7 months on the nutritionists program at his office. I would like to get the surgery done this year if I can. The sooner I get it done, the sooner we can get back to trying for a family!
DH said to me at the RE's office the other day, "no wonder people take breaks from this, it is relentless!" This was at 8am in the morning while we were getting a test done. It is one thing after another! It is worth every second, every penny and every pain in the end....but how close is the end? For some people, it never ends! My heart goes out to anyone who has ever had to deal with any kind of infertility, and kind of loss in a pregnancy or child. It breaks my heart to think about it.
I am just so thankful we are able to take a weekend away...and we are planning our next cruise! Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Another day....

Another doctor's appointment!! Yes, you heard me correctly.....I had to go back this morning! Although, we did get good news this morning, and we are right on track and things are looking good. We can only hope and pray that everything works well!
I got a shot of Hcg this morning to make me ovulate sometime int he next 2 days, and boy does it make me HOT!!! I feel like I'm going through menopause! It's a good thing I have a little fan at my desk at work. I have another appointment on Friday to check and make sure the shot worked. Then it is off to the beach! I am taking a half day on Friday to get a head start on traffic, and we are going to stay until Sunday. Not a super long vacation, but a nice one nonetheless. At the end of August we will be going down to the beach to celebrate DH's birthday. That is the extent of our vacations this summer, our honeymoon drained finances and vacation time!!!
We had such a wonderful time on our honeymoon, we highly recommend taking a cruise for your next vacation. We went on a 5 day cruise to the Bahama's from Miami Florida. It was so beautiful! We are hoping to take a short cruise up to Canada this fall or next fall. They are expensive, but so worth it. Everything is included in your price, even gratuity! You use no cash on board unless you want to buy alcohol or soda. Enough about vacations....I am having a hard time sitting at work now!!!
I am excited to find out if this month worked, or if we are going to take some time off and try to get healthier. Either way, it is a positive outcome.

Just got back from the doctors (thank goodness I work at a place that is flexible with my doctors appointments!), and I have 3 mature follicles. Kind of scary because if everything works the way it's supposed to...we could be looking at triplets. There's no use in getting excited or nervous about it though because things rarely do what they are supposed to anyway! I will find out more when they call with my bloodwork results.
I have decided that ttc is both a personal and monumental thing. But so many people go through difficulties, and yet it is hush, hush. Why shouldn't people know how hard, frustrating, surprising, exciting, expensive and wonderful it is to go through this journey? At times it feels like you are the only one on this little island of turmoil. I want to talk to people about it! I want to tell people about the process and the wonderfully terrifying things that happen during this (sometimes extremely LONG) journey! I wish people would be more open to sharing their experiences and feelings.
When we first started out, I g..gled everything I could. I was so scared! It helped when I found a support group for ttc. But, it wasn't enough! I wanted to tell my family everything we were going through, but it's tough for them to understand. DH has been wonderful through the whole thing, but as many men know......womens bodies are a pain in the you know what! It is hard for them to understand everything that is going on. But, my DH is a wonderful, supportive, spectacular person who sits with me during the tough parts...and celebrates with the good!
It just feels better to write everything down.....even if no one but me reads it!

Summer

I am going to the doctors today at 11:15, I was there on Saturday and last week too! No one told us ttc was going to be so expensive! I had a friend who was ttc at the same time as us around the holidays last year. She was having trouble conceiving as well, and was contemplating going to the doctor I was going to. I knew that this friend and her husband had problems with money, so I told her....it is going to be expensive! I was going to this specialist 3 times a week some weeks, and at $40 a pop it really adds up!!!! She said.......oh we can't afford that, it is too expensive.
Now, this is obvious....it is expensive to go to the doctors to try and get pregnant. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized: Diapers, formula, bottles, clothes, wipes, baby wash, diaper rash cream, shoes, pictures...etc, etc....all very important things when you have a baby. (OK, formula can be cut out with breast feeding, but what about all the things necessary to breast feed while working?) If we can't spend $40 on a co-pay to see the doctor, will we be able to afford the pack of diapers a week it's going to take to keep our child clean and dry for the first 2 years? It is expensive to bring a child into the world, and it is expensive to keep them here!
Just thought I'd share my thoughts on money and child bearing!

Good news all around!

I am so excited! I just got back from my two appointments! Lo and behold....my body does work sometimes! I have 2 follicles measuring 15 and 16!!! This is great news! For those who don't follow the ttc phenomenon, follicles are eggs waiting to be released. The doctor wants them to grow to 20-22 before he considers them mature, so it is back for more work on Saturday.
My other appointment went well. I have lots of pre-surgery things to do. Cardiologist, endocrinologist, nutritionist...you know all fun stuff! The doctor would also like me to try a liquid protein diet for 30 days. I am actually very excited about this and hope it works as well as the say! I am super excited....and can't wait until Saturday!!!!

Another day...

One day closer to my 2 appointments! I am getting super nervous about both! One is at 7:30 AM! So early! Those who know me know I love my sleep! The other is at 9 AM. Thankfully they are in the same area so we won't be driving around like crazy people.
Part of me wishes and hopes that the Clomid worked and this month will be a positive, while another part of me hopes I can get the surgery. 2 completely different outcomes. One will give us our baby, the other (hopefully) will make me healthier! I am just hoping for the best outcome either way. I am a firm believer of......If it's meant to be, it will happen. When Dave and I didn't get a house we put an offer in for, that was not the house for us! When the Biggest Loser didn't call us back after the casting call.....it wasn't meant to be. We can only do so much to better our chances of the best outcome, but it will happen when it's meant to happen!
We went to Target last night to get a pantry for the house we are renting. The pantry in the house has a leak in the back-we can't figure out if it's coming through the wall or form the sink. Either way, we had to throw away lots of food because everything was soaking wet. For the last couple of weeks we have had to store all our dry goods in plastic tubs in the living room....how fun! We finally decided enough was enough, we were getting some kind of storage for the dining room for the dry goods. We moved my mom's bakers rack to the other wall and put this tall pantry on the wall.....low and behold.....we have so much more room in the dining room now! And...no more tubs in the living room!!! Yay!! But anyway, we were at the Target and it seemed like everyone had an infant last night. As soon as we walked in...a pregnant lady, down the first aisle...a crying infant, down the second aisle...a dad with an infant in a car seat! Down the frozen foods aisle.....a babbling baby with her mom and dad.
You don't realize how many babies are out there until you have trouble conceiving, or you have lost one. Every story on the news about an abused child or a baby thrown away is like a knife in your heart. Why were they given the chance to be parents, but we aren't? So many questions run through your mind on a daily basis about everything! Did I throw away my opportunity to be a parent? I so desperately want to give my wonderful, loving DH a baby, so why can't I?
Well this blog took a sad turn didn't it? I will update tomorrow after my appointments! I am super excited and nervous!!!

First Post!

This is my first blog post ever! I am not really sure how to start it out, so I guess I will start with some background on us! My wonderful DH and I have been married for almost 3 months, but we have been together since January 2006. Our story started out simple, we met through mutual friends on New Year's Day 2006 and we began dating almost immediately.
We fell madly in love soon after we began dating and looked forward to our relationship growing. We found out we were pregnant in May 2006. It was definitely a shock and not planned. But we were so happy! We found out the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and we were told a d&c was the way to go. My body refused to miscarry the baby, even though we didn't find out until we were 9 weeks. For 2 weeks I walked around without knowing anything was wrong! I had the d&c and we grieved for our lost baby, who i called baby M.
After the d&c we learned an ovarian cyst was the likely cause of our miscarriage. It had grown large on my right ovary and basically took all the nutrients away from our little baby M. The cyst just grew and grew after the d&c. By the middle of July the cyst was so large the doctor basically told me not to do anything physical until I could have surgery. In the beginning of August the doctor took my right ovary and a cyst the size of a child out of my body. That was the beginning of our infertility battle.
I am only working with one ovary now, and it has cysts on a monthly basis. I have had to have a cyst drained this year, as well as a 10K shot of HcG to try and shrink another cyst! It is a never ending cyst battle! I have cysts in my liver as well! I call myself a cysty person!
We are currently seeing a wonderful doctor...we'll call him Dr. R. He is reproductive endocrinologist with lots of expertise in the field. I have been seeing him, and a nutritionist in his practice since January of this year. DH and I were not serious about getting pregnant until last year. We figured, if it happens, it happens. But that kind of thinking is not going to get us pregnant. We needed help in that area. The first RE is saw was a women...we'll call her Dr. M (for Mean!) She refused to help me, or give me any kind of medicine or surgery until I lost weight. That would have been fine, if I hadn't already been trying to loose weight with no success! I saw her for 5 months, in which she did nothing except run the standard tests. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands. I switched my insurance from a referral needed to not necessary and did a lot of research. I asked the ladies on my infertility boards on Y if they recommended anyone in our area, and one name popped up.
We made an appointment in January to see Dr. R and the first thing he told me was, I will not require that you loose weight in order to treat you. It is a good idea to loose weight, it can only help in the process, but it is not necessary for my treatment!! He signed me up with his nutritionist, and I follow a meal plan program on the computer called LifeBalance. I have lost 17 lbs so far, which is not amazing but it is a step in the right direction.
We also tried Clomid for the first time this month, and I go in on Wednesday to see if it worked! I am trying not to get my hopes up, but it is so hard!
I also have an appointment on Wednesday with a bariatric surgeon to see if I am a good candidate for the lap band procedure. I am really looking forward to it. I feel like this could be the stepping stone that helps me reach my goal. DH is supportive of whatever I choose. The family doesn't want to see me go in for another surgery (I know it must be hard to watch someone in pain), but I feel like this is what I need to do!
I just wanted to start this blog to chronicle our journey better! I hope you enjoy it!!!
-S